Are you often sad? Do you struggle with maintaining a positive attitude? Do you often worry? Do you find that it is hard not to worry?

Sadness and worry are common human emotions. Do you know anyone who is happy all the time, or who never worries? Yet, it’s a different matter when sad feelings or worry persist. The first can lead to depression; the second to a state of anxiety.

We all encounter very difficult and challenging circumstances and events in our lives. And we know what it feels to be anxious. Even the most seasoned performing artists experience anxiety before an important stage performance. And, sooner or later, we experience grave life-changing events. The death of a loved one or a beloved pet may not happen often, but it is part of being human. We may be involved in an auto crash and get injured, or worse, become permanently disabled. These are facts of human life, and our responses, sadness of loss, and/or anxiety, are normal, and can last for months, and at a certain level, years.

Then, there are the most intense experiences that can push us over the edge. Some of us are abused. We are traumatized by it. This and other horrific behavior by others or events cause post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

There are a great many things that can cause long-term sadness (depression) or anxiety disorder. And while we may not have a specific disorder, who among is is not addicted to something? Food, dieting, alcohol, drugs, sex, pornography, obsessive thinking (i.e. worrying)?

Finally, there are negative cultural and social conditions in our community, in our region, in our country, or in the world, that cause an overall social anxiety or sadness to the collective consciousness. Inequality and injustices such as discrimination against women and mysogyny are endemic in our society. Systemic racism and anti-semitism are real, especially for people of color and Jews. And dystopian ideas, deep discontent and suffering spreading in a population can move many people to become fearful and angry at each. The current wide divide in political views and gaping income gap between rich and poor in the U.S. among other issues has caused a very concerning breakdown in overall trust in the country’s ability to function as usual. In addition, mass shootings across the country with no end in sight, is cause for great concern for safety and the country’s future.

Our management of stress — how we experience these events and pressures — determine whether we slide into more long-term states of sadness, depression and anxiety that psychologists call mental disorders. There is no question that more and more of us are having difficulties handling the increasing pressures of society. Therapists — trained social workers, psychologist and psychiatrists, report a sharp increase in demand for therapeutic counseling caused by the COVID-19 pandemic that began at the beginning of 2020 and the social and political polarization in our country that began at least a decade ago, but was amplified in the Trump years and continues to build today.

Therapeutic Counseling

Therapeutic counseling is a common and proven treatment for emotional healing that’s been around since the first half of the 20th century. It hasn’t always been accepted by all levels of society. But by the 1980s, most people in the West accepted it as normal medical treatment. It was the rare individual who viewed counseling as only for the mentally ill.

“The most common issue clients I see are dealing with is anxiety and depression,” says Judy Kotzen, a full-time clinician in private practice in Huntington Woods, Michigan. Ms. Kotzen conducts all her sessions on video on-line during the current COVID-19 pandemic.

Ms. Kotzen says that her main role in one-on-one therapy is to be a “compassionate active listener who provides support and reflection.” This sounds simple, but think about it. How many people, even friends, know how to really listen compassionately? And who have the time? “For most of my clients over time there is improved communication with others and the ability to quickly reframe negative thoughts into hope,” says Ms. Kotzen. She also finds that her clients eventually are able to identify and manage situations and individuals who previously triggered negative emotions such as anger and shame.

Self-esteem issues commonly exist in clients with anxiety and depression, says Ms. Kotzen. “Having unrealistic expectations, all or nothing thinking, not feeling valued or understood, feeling isolated and/or dissatisfied with a relationship are very common patterns and feelings. I would say that many, if not most people, identify with their thoughts and feelings. But the truth is, feelings and thoughts aren’t facts. We are not our thoughts and feelings.”

It started with Sigmund Freud

Modern one-on-one therapy has been around since Sigmund Freud practiced his discoveries of the unconscious and his theories of identity, ego and repressed fears mostly in post-Victorian age female clients filled with guilt for their natural libidos. While Freud laid the foundation for modern psychology, we have come a long way since his groundbreaking work more than 90 years ago.

There have been hundreds of different schools and modalities of emotional therapy since Freud, but the one common teaching among the most effective ones with life-long results is “Know thyself”. As humans we are innately endowed with our own inner guidance system — “Heal thyself”.

For those of us who think they may not need a therapist, or don’t believe they can help, there are some wise counsels by others before us that can help. They include practicing Faith by developing a personal relationship with a Higher Power, meditating, praying, finding a trusted friend to confide in, and finding a way to give to others as much and as often as you can.

Questions to ask yourself and share with others

How good do you think is your ability to cope with sadness and worry?

What particular issue (sometimes called a ‘hang-up’) do you think you have?

What coping measures do you practice to deal with stress?

Quotations related to human conditions and human wisdom

“ The nightmares of little children terrify them because they do not understand them. If they ask for the truth and accept it, their fears vanish. If they hide them, they keep them.” Helen Shucman (A Course in Miracles)

“Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.” Alan Watts

“Look past your thoughts so you may drink the pure nectar of this moment.” Rumi

“Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.” Bob Marley

“When I let go of who I think I am, I become what I might be.” Lao-Tzu

“Live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.” Henry David Thoreau

“Be still. The quieter you become, the more you can hear.” Ram Dass

“Go placidly among the noise and haste, and remember what peace there is in silence.” Anonymous

“Lord, make me an instrument of your peace: where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon…” Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi